Click play for some mood music
Note: In honor of today's Google Doodle and the fact that everyone's favorite prehistoric cartoon is 50 years-old today, I give you this kooky piece of flash.
Betty Rubble knew it was time.
It had been more than a year since Barney Rubble left her for Gabbie Gabbro, that slutty secretary from Mr. Slate's office. Betty thought she should've known better. She had the same job 15 years ago when Barney used to make up excuses to visit the boss. Yeah, it's was time. Betty knew she had to get out there sooner or later.
The house had been eerily quiet. Hoppy died after Barney ran over him accidentally a few years back. And as for Bamm Bamm Rubble? He had to be sent to the Shale Center because he actually never learned to say anything more than his name. Couple that with an abnormal sense of strength and he simply had become too much for Betty. So the house was now empty.
She thought about switching back to her maiden name -- Betty Basalt -- if she was gonna to be on the make. It had more of a ring to it, she thought. So, with just enough side boob showing, Betty strolled into the Limestone Lounge and ordered her first rocktini in years. And holy shonkinite, did it go down easy.
And that music... Mikey Marble and his Minettes. Smoothe. She was getting that mojo back and as Betty moved on to single malt Monzonites, she became reflective and thought of all those years ago.
She remembered the Flintstones next door. Fred finally had that heart attack. It was all that yelling and ranting that finally did him in. In fact, that's what sparked Barney into exercising and undoubtedly getting the attention of young secretaries at the quarry. Wilma took that cutie Pebbles away and last Betty heard, the teenager snagged the the Miss Marble crown. Good for Pebbles, Betty thought. Had Bamm Bamm been normal, they would've made such a cute pair.
It wasn't long before she was approached. He was handsome enough, Betty thought, asking his name.
"Pumice," the stranger said. "Paulie Pumice... I sell baby dinos. I can give you a good price..."
The music got louder and Betty tried not to look bored.
Art: The incredible Glen Barr. Music: "The Flintstones" by Hoyt Curtin can be downloaded HERE.
That was awesome. And those paintings of Bets are friggin' off the charts. Great bit, Anthony.
ReplyDeletePoor Betty... Ant, you're breakin' my heart here. Can't she do better than a sleazy dino salesman? ;)
ReplyDeleteAwesome!
Fabulous. The dark side of the Flintstones. The pics of Betty are awesome -- what about Wilma? Peace...
ReplyDeleteOkay, this whole story rocked (er, sorry) but the paragraph with side-boob and a rocktini had me laughing out loud.
ReplyDeletePrehistoric gritty--you are a versatile man. (oh, excuse the grit pun too)
Leave it to you to find art like this, Ant. Too funny in trying to be too sad - she should stop by my flash's psych ward. There's a patient looking for love.
ReplyDeleteRemind me to forward you that Charlie Brown serial killer story I did.
Poor Betty. It never has been easy getting back out there. And those pics are perfect.
ReplyDeleteWickedly perverse and oh so funny. The illustrations were perfect.
ReplyDeleteAdam B @revhappiness
Basalt is so right for her maiden name. I love it.
ReplyDeleteThank you for revealing the dark side of this story. I always hated the cartoon and I totally believe everything you've said.
Ya got me bawlin' in my zircono vodka here, Ant. Hilarious bit.
ReplyDeleteI loved it! Rock on Mr. Smooth. :)
ReplyDeleteBut poor Betty. :(
Hey John I always knew those kids weren't right. I wanna read it, too. Lol. :D
That was short and sweet..and strangely enough...a turn on..
ReplyDeleteAnt, where did you find those paintings? They are fabulous, but not nearly as fabulous as the "other side" you've created here. This was so much fun!
ReplyDeleteAnt, I believe there's nothing you can't write.
ReplyDeleteThis was just too perfect. I always knew those guys were too good to be true. :)
But if Betty still looks like those pics, she'll do just fine.
LOVE this one, sir.
Man, Barney a creep. Is nothing sacred? LOL
ReplyDeleteThis isn't a compliment, but you really do probably save some people with what you write. At least in one way or another.
ReplyDeleteLeave it to Anthony to write Flintstones noir. That's one for the mashup triumphs list. Love the illustrations too.
ReplyDeleteGreat story, that was a really imaginative twist! Poor Betty, though.
ReplyDeleteAnt, I love this take on Betty and her life now. The children and I used to gather around the tube and laugh through the whole show. That Betty sure turned aout to be a hot number. Thanks for the memories.
ReplyDeleteI'm with Gracie, with that body she can find someone much better than a dino salesman. Great story!
ReplyDeleteI always suspected Bam-Bam wasn't right in the head.
ReplyDeleteAnd ya can never trust the short guys - Barney's a prime example.
I just never figured Betty for such a kitten. Talk about your devil with a blue dress on....
Stone cold cool.
Ant, that's gotta be the funniest thing I've read from you. Great stuff, dude. The story goes well with the art work. And those boozy, melancholy eyes on Betty...
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Pre-historic grit. You really put some shine on an old fossil.
ReplyDeleteAnthony, I'm more upset about Fred. HA!! Great story, dude!
ReplyDeleteGabbie Gabbro...too too much. Loved this, Anthony.
ReplyDeleteThat was a brilliant piece of prehistoric pondering. The artwork was incredible, too. Loved the bit about Bam Bam. Excellent.
ReplyDeleteThere's something deliciously awesome about translating a children's cartoon into something like this. Loved it!
ReplyDeleteBetty was always my favorite one too on the Flintstones! :)
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ReplyDeleteI have acquired the above painting (not a print)of Betty Rubble and was wondering if you could tell me what it is worth? Thank you.
ReplyDeleteDonna