Thursday, June 10, 2010

THE KILLER IN ME (flash fiction)

It wasn't working.


She'd been in my life -- let's call her Jane -- for the better part of a couple months and despite a great beginning, she just wasn't giving me what I needed anymore. She was so fucking one-dimensional.

Oh sure, she was hot but that only goes so far and it certainly went with the terrain. And yeah, while she seemingly got along well with the others, something didn't click within me. Maybe it was because she had nothing intelligent to say and that I wanted to be so proud of her.

Despite my hesitation, I gave her a few more chances by putting Jane into certain situations. I wanted to see if she could hold her own and impress me.

She didn't.

Jane was lame and it was becoming increasingly clear as to what had to be done. She served no more purpose and alot of our groundwork would have to be redone once she was gone.

I started to think about how it should be done. I mean, there were the others to think about here. Should I make it a surprise? Should she just disappear? Would it be quiet? Violent? Who would do it?

I decided that I would allow the others make the decision for me. Let it organically happen.

* * *
So that night, on the way up to my attic, I started to think about Jane. Would I care when she was gone? Meh... Call me cold but I've been down this road before and have seen everything from bloody and gruesome to clean and quick. For Jane, it would all depend upon where we last left off.

The door creaked open and now was the time to deal with Jane one last time.

As I flipped up the laptop and opened the novel, there she was, another failed character who served no purpose. The book sucked with her in it.

Perhaps this murder would enliven it.

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31 comments:

  1. Ha, you had me going there. What a great finish. I guess that makes me a murderer, too. :)

    I see Dashiell Hammett in my head right now. Great story, Ant.

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  2. I thought she was a painting. I was in the artistic ballpark! But it's his fault for making her that way. Got to man up and re-tool your bad characters. Hope the murder works.

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  3. I was actually inspired, John, by writer Annie Prouix. I was watching a documentary on her and was struck by the fact that she does this. It was all so cold...

    As for the character stuff... I dunno. I'm not an outliner by nature and more often than not, I don't know what characters will say to one another going in. For me, it's extremely organic so I can kinda see that something may not work out after a few chapters.

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  4. This is fantastic Anthony!

    Unlike John, I didn't see the end coming at all, (may have something to do with me going to bed for the night, then having to get up to write down dream, then deciding to stay up to read some flash). I'm not really up...but I doubt that's it. This has a great feel to it, morbid as it is. I suppose we all feel that way sometimes, though for most of us it's a more grim task than your narrators. Well done!

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  5. Yup had me going, thought she was real flesh & blood. Don't see it as a murder, more a ... culling. If that helps!

    marc nash

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  6. Enjoyed this, Anthony. I had no idea what was going on til the last few lines and then...AHHHHH!!!

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  7. I have to say, Anthony, this was a little bit different from your usual work and I thought it was one of your best with a clever ending. Well done mate and have a great weekend.

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  8. KILL YOUR DARLINGS!

    Brought a HUGE smile to my face. Well-played, and well-told. Peace...

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  9. I was thinking he had multiple personalities that had to lay groundwork for a new woman. And that picture, so creepy. Deft touch on the surprise ending ... when i reread it I saw you hadn't played coy a all - it was all there if i had of been paying attention.
    Wish I had of seen the documentary on Proulx. Love her work.

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  10. Great fucking twist. I love killing characters when they don't fit into the overall story arc. Keep it up, please.

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  11. Ha! I was particularly interested in how "we" were going to "off" this one, but you threw me for a loop.

    Rather genuis, indeed ;-)
    ~2

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  12. Wowsa Ant. You rock on these. I'm so glad to have found your work. I really enjoy reading it.

    I was feeling sorry for poor Jane, but the clue "put her in different situations" made a little lightbulb come on. So damned clever. Definitely.

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  13. I've killed off my share of lame Janes too..good one ant.

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  14. I have soooo been there... Love it!

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  15. Ah poor Jane, becare she might surprise you and get away...

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  16. Maybe if you just hadn't named her Jane...

    You surprised me. I was thinking ghost and maybe an exorcism, but I always lean that way. Your twist was much cooler. Just like you.

    Suave, very very suave.

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  17. As noted, a departure from your usual grit...and I liked it a lot. You had me sucked in as well. Nice twist.

    I've been meaning to read 'The Shipping News' by Proulx...what with it taking place here in Newfoundland.

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  18. I completely misread the clue "put her in different situations". I was thinking he was going to turn psycho like in the Saw films! Really, my mind sometimes...

    Great stuff!

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  19. We writers have to be cold sometimes. If only there was a simple delete key out in real life... no, that would probably backfire. I liked this one.

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  20. Okay, maybe she was "lame," but she wasn't BAD, was she? Couldn't you just dump her, instead of murdering her? Give her a fighting chance. Maybe she'll surprise you (like you surprised me, with the great noir twist in this flash).

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  21. Loved this, and also related to it. I suddenly feel really evil. ;)

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  22. this write sent my mind on a journey...I think Jane's pretended to be my friend once or twice - I thought we'd hang out - paint the town...glad you off'd her, alluring bitch that she was.

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  23. Just my luck following the illustrious "O" and lame Jane has now become an alluring bitch ... (which makes her not so lame?)

    Always leave the reality right before the reader and trust them to surprise themselves with the conclusion you had in the attic of your mind all along.

    Real nice sharp muse-write Ant ... Title means all the more once you've climbed the steps ... could *feel* your tone in "Let's just call her JANE". You had to be goin' somewhere swell after that, so I followed. Nice vibes sir. ~ Absolutely*Kate

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  24. I think I've read this somewhere before -- did you post it on 6S back in the day? I love it now, and I loved it then -- even if my memory is the result of neural-feedback disorder resulting in a complete fabrication of remembrance on my part.

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  25. Oh, and the picture is good -- I know you didn't do it -- but it's still good, and scary. Scary is good.

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  26. Thanks everyone for reading. This one, while a departure, was quite fun and was a quick write (which isn't always the case).

    @Barry... Nope, Bar. This wasn't a 6S. This one was all new.

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  27. Very cool - I got the impression she was a trainee of some sort (from the "situations" line)... Very nice twist - I didn't call it at all! ;-)

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  28. Sometimes you gotta be merciless. (It's funny noting who LOVED the idea of killing one's own)

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  29. Oh, you brutal KILLER! HA! What a great sleight of hand you pulled here; I didn't expect it or see it coming until MUCH too late, I'm afraid. You swept me in.

    I loved the grim tone and the feel you injected in the language. Very much like the ice-blooded killer character you fooled me into buying. :)

    Great work.

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  30. hahaha love it! Reminds me of the first time I "accidently" killed off a character. Well done :)

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  31. Nothing much left to say except:
    Excellent.

    Well done

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