WTF ALERT: GUNS ALLOWED IN ARIZONA BARS

Good thing Chuck Buk didn't live in Arizona. With all his "dukin'" he may have gotten hurt.

Check out this piece of crazy: Arizonans with concealed weapons permits will be allowed to take a handgun into bars and restaurants that serve alcohol under a bill recently signed by Gov. Jan Brewer.

The measure, backed by the National Rifle Association, will require bar and restaurant owners who want to ban weapons on the premises to post a no-guns sign next to the business' liquor license.

Wow...

To read more, click HERE.

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'TO THE WHORE WHO STOLE MY POEMS' (with BUKOWSKI READING)

I was speaking with someone the other day about one of my favorite Bukowski poems, "To the Whore Who Stole My Poems." Is that a great fuckin' title or what?? In any case, here is the link for the text in case you haven't read it.

If you don't feel like reading, sit back and enjoy this fan made tribute with good 'ol Hank reading it.

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DRINKING WINE WITH CEREAL

We all know that good ol' Hank loved his vino. Fot that very reason, I couldn't pass up not posting this odd friggin' whatever this is... Gary Vaynerchuk has long talked about pairing wine with cereal and he recently went “there” and paired three wines with the classic kiddie cereals Lucky Charms, Captain Crunch and Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Odd...

Annoyingly, I can't embed the vid so here is the link.

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THE WELL (flash fiction)

Now and again, all writers go back to the well - that place they tap into where inspiration and dreams are born.

Like an assembly line in a jailhouse cafeteria, the well gave Hemingway his graceful brevity, it's where Dante Alighieri first drummed up that wretched descent and where Fitzgerald conjured his flights of fancy.

Edgar Allen went there frequently but one night after dipping his hand deep into that chasm of creativity, he came back with something not exactly suited for him and was perplexed.

Leaving, he passed William Sydney Porter, otherwise known as O. Henry, who didn't look exactly thrilled himself.

"I've got a collection of tales here," Poe said, "they're whimsical, optimistically charming and ironic. Useless to me."

"I have something quite disturbing," O. Henry replied, "a ghastly poem tracing a man's slow descent into madness. Let's trade..."

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TWO WORTHLESS PARTNERS (flash fiction)

The lacquer cracker on the jukebox kept skipping so I told that bum of a barkeep to unplug the hunk-of-junk once and for all. It wasn't a time for the rah-rah's of wartime propaganda and I needed to think.

Think about my two crumb-bum partners. Think about which of 'em deserve the loot to begin with. Think about how I could hop a freight with the dough and no one would see this two-bit newsman again.

But then I heard the squeak of the back door open and those high heels approach, slowly. When I heard her gun cock, I knew she was alone.

As I took one final drag of the Chesterfield all I could think was, "Even when we were married, this broad never did know how to share..."

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I'M IN 'ZYGOTE'

Okay, I'm gonna pimp my shit for a sec... Check out my minor appearance in the gritty literary journal ZYGOTE IN MY COFFEE, released by Tainted Coffee Press.

Zygote in My Coffee (often referred to simply as "Zygote") is a popular underground independent print and online magazine dealing mostly in experimental and "street" poetry, though it also publishes content that includes short fiction, social commentary, political rants, one-act plays, erotica, and adult-oriented comic strips. The magazine was started in San Jose, California in December 2003 by poet and cartoonist Brian Fugett, who later moved to and now publishes out of Kettering, Ohio. At one time, co-editors included Karl Koweski, Aleathia Drehmer, and C. Allen Rearick.

Zygote In My Coffee has so far released well over a hundred online issues and six print issues. After five years the magazine announced its defunct status in late 2008 but later resumed publication with a slightly limited schedule.

If you wanna be super swell in my book and buy one, click HERE.

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POPEYE THE OCTAGENARIAN (flash fiction)

I found this amazing pic of my favorite cartoon character online by Rick Baker and just had to whip something up. Creepy...

In his younger days he was spry but now he's just impatient. At 94, he could still pack a punch, pulling triple duty mumbling to himself and sucking on a corncob pipe.

While his longshoreman days are long behind him, the love he holds for his dearly-departed 'goil' Olive remains as strong as the current he once sailed upon. As for his foundling, 'Swee' Pea, he's happily married and has a Swee' Pea of his own.

He doesn't do much these days but think about the old gang - that sweet moocher J. Wellington Wimpy, Sea Hag, Alice the Goon and even Bluto.

But then he he hears the latter's way too familiar voice call him a "one-eyed runt" and his can feel his still-muscular forearms start to tremble.

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OH, CRAP! BEER PRICES ARE GOING UP

Found this bit of crappy news on CNN Money. It ain't good news. Beer drinkers beware: The cost of a cold one is going up. Brewers across the globe are hiking prices to compensate for lower sales volumes and higher commodity costs.

Anheuser-Busch InBev, the world's largest brewer and maker of Budweiser, announced plans to raise prices Tuesday. To read how much more getting looped is gonna cost us, click HERE.

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LONGEST-SERVING BARKEEP CALLS IT QUITS

Angelo Cammarata has been serving up cocktails since Prohibition ended at midnight on April 7, 1933. (Well, there was the brief interlude in the 1940's when he served in World War II, but you'd be surprised what a good bartender can do with a canteen and a pack of Pall Malls.) In any case, after 77 years, he's calling it quits.

Read all about it HERE.

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FIVE THINGS YOU DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT TEQUILA

I'll be honest, the only tequila I like has the name Tila in front of it. No, I'm not a tequila guy and I don't think Buk was either. Be that as it may, the spirit has a bad reputation -- perhaps because some of the boobs who imbibe are lured by its ritualistic methods of consumption and its promise to take them to a higher level of consciousness. In the end, though, they're usually left with a vague recollection of the prior night’s proceedings, wondering who’s in their bed beside them, cotton-mouthed and crusty-eyed.

So alas, 'The Basement' gives you "Five Things you Didn't Know About Tequila."

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BUKOWSKI: A VETERINARIAN??

Check out this video that explores the notion of Bukowski in different professions. While the idea of the vid is pretty humorous, the guy playing Chuck Buk has to be the worst fucking Bukowski ever. I mean, did he even try???



Check out the REAL thing here:

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MR. MANILA FOLDER (FLASH FICTION)

Like most ingenues, she thinks he's not that smart. And a bore to boot. She thinks he's just another manila folder (wait, or is that vanilla?) buried deep within a six drawer filing cabinet. Well, maybe that's so.

But he tells her to open his so-called humdrum file -- pretty thick with substance. But she wouldn't know it. He tries to tell her yet again that people will eventually discover and remember their folders and its contents.

"That sweetheart...," he stresses, "...is when you'll be judged."

Her eyes roll.

All he can think is, "Ah, the lost potential..."

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WOULD YOU PAY $70 FOR A CAN 'O BEER?

It's in the Queen's cellar; and the maker says it has traces of vanilla and curry leaf with hints of honey and passionfruit. Sound like one of those pompous descriptions for a luxury wine? It's not - it's an Aussie beer. Fosters no less...

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BOWLING FOR BREWSKIS (and BACON)

The Four B's ... Bukowski, bacon, beer and bourban, Man does this nugget ever have Bukowski's name written all over it. What happens when a bowling alley opens next to a brewery? While it may not be entirely clear, bacon is probably involved. Bourban, too. Lots of it. Read all about it.

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