A TRUCK STOP BOY MEETS A TRUCK STOP GIRL (flash fiction)

They were somewhere in Colorado. He was spending the summer with his dad on the road and, contrary to what he was telling his mother, wasn't sure if he was having a good time.

The hauls were long and exhausting and the rig's diesel fumes quite overpowering at times. What's more, he didn't exactly enjoy those shit-kicker AM stations that tossed around words like "patriot," "tea party" and "town hall." It was all way too much for the 15 year-old to absorb. It was fucking summer. Why was he in this truck?

And sure, while his dad had a sweet cab -- double bunks, LCD TV, satellite radio and a well-stocked mini fridge -- something was missing.

When his birthday rolled around, his dad had that sly smile all throughout the day.

"Did you get me that Xbox 360 for the cab?" the teenager asked, just knowing that the game console would get him through the last leg of the trip.

"Better..." his pop answered laughing.

"Yeah?" asked the boy. "What is it?"

"Tonight..." his dad said clearing his throat. "We're gonna make a man outta you..."

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LOVE IN PINE VALLEY (flash fiction)

Edgar had been going to the Pine Valley Mountain Lodge for the greater part of 1942 and always on Wednesday nights.

The gentleman's club of it's day, the risque rustic lodge was buried deep within the woods of a secluded lake town in Northern New Jersey. Its working gals were mostly fresh out of high school, overly friendly and extremely easy on the eyes.

It's wasn't the corned beef or the cozy fire that kept the handsome stranger so loyal to the place but the company of its scantily-clad waitresses - namely one Edna Barry. With the jasmine perfume wafting from her cleavage, she'd always serve her coffee with a smile.

At first, Edgar took her rejections in stride and figured if he was persistent enough, they could at least enjoy the latest Cagney picture at the drive-in. Eventually, Edgar didn't take 'no' kindly and Edna had to shuffle her shift before quitting the lodge altogether.

After loose lips at the lodge told the suiter where he could find his sweetheart, Edgar once again laid on the charm. And this time, he was super persistent. The pair eventually made it to the drive-in for the latest Cagney picture.

He in the front seat of his Plymouth. She in its trunk.

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GET SOME FOR THE KIDS...

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IMPLICATIONS OVER COFFEE (flash fiction)

Sometimes there's no teaching people. At breakfast, I asked my dopey baby brother why that little cutie threw him out after what seemed to be a decent first date.

Swigging his coffee he answered me, a tad indignant. “I dunno. All I said was, ‘Damn girl, you even look good in the morning...’”

Glancing from behind the editorial page, I told him it was simple. "She read between the lines of that moronic compliment."

Ever since we were kids, the knucklehead had a habit of saying idiotic things at the worst moment he can possibly imagine and yup, after what was probably a fun night in the sack, he let his mouth get ahead of his brain. Again.

Before I kicked him out myself for being so stupid, I tried to elaborate. "Think about it," I said. “There's subtext to what you told her."

"Oh yeah? Like what?" he asked, not really paying attention.

"Well, it could mean that deep down maybe you expected her to be ugly without all her pancaked makeup."

"Huh..." was his first response.

"Or, more importantly," I said, "Maybe you’ve been with enough cuties to make that stupid assumption in the first place.”

"Nah..." was his second resonse. "She was just a bitch."

Like I said, there's no teaching people.

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AMERICA'S DRUNKEST CITY IS...

"I'm in Fresno and boy... Am I fucked up..."

Every year Men's Health magazine rates the "Drunkest Cities in America" by measuring such data as death rates from alcoholic liver disease, booze-fueled car crashes, frequency of binge-drinking in the past 30 days, number of DUI arrests, and severity of DUI penalties.

For 2010, the health mag has named Fresno, California as the nation's most effed up city.

The yearly study also analyzes both alcohol consumption and the serious effects it can have on the community at large. Last year’s winner, Denver, fell down to 17 so I guess congratulations are in order...

Others in the top five include Reno, Billings (Montana), Riverside (California), and Austin (Texas).

The entire list of the 50 Most Drunk American Cities continues after the jump.

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'STEEL CITY' - A CARVERESQUE SURPRISE

Lately I've been discovering movies by sheer and utter laziness. I'd wake from a mid-day snooze or turn on the television upon awaking in the morning to find a film already in progress.

Being a story guy, I try to figure out the pieces of the plot midway. I've been lucky that I've found some real gems. Sunday's film, in particular, was one of the most multi-layered flicks I've seen this year (and I see ALOT). It's a small indie called "Steel City" and if you like the work of such scribes as say, Raymond Carver, Russell Banks or Richard Ford, then this dreary drama is for you.

It centers on a young man who struggles to hold his family together while keeping his own life on track. P.J. Lee (Thomas Guiry) is a teenager growing up in a decaying industrial town in Illinois. Few kids have it easy where P.J.'s from, but he has it harder than most because his parents split up several years ago, and his dad, Carl (John Heard), is in jail on a vehicular manslaughter charge he's not likely to shake. P.J.'s big brother, Ben (Clayne Crawford), is married and has a life of his own, through his fondness for booze and other women suggests he's following the same sorry path as his dad. P.J.'s mother, When P.J. loses his job as a busboy, he finds he can no longer pay the rent on his house, and has a falling out with his girlfriend, Amy (America Ferrera), who works at the same diner.

With nowhere else to go, P.J. moves in with his uncle Vic (Raymond J. Barry), but he soon begins to buckle under Vic's "straighten up and fly right" attitude. This first film from writer-director Brian Jun was enthusiastically received during its premiere screening at the 2006 Sundance Film Festival.

if you're lucky enough to stumble upon this like I did, check it out because it's undoubtedly worth it.

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DRINKS WITH ANDRE - #fridayflash

The other night at Smitty's I was bummed since there were more men in the joint than usual. Even more annoying was that I was stuck next to Andre, quite possibly the most annoying dude on the planet because he didn't know squat about bar etiquette.

Like most of us, I hated Andre because when he was in a good mood he'd be the guy flaunting everything he owned -- from his Swedish watch to his German car -- all the while basking in wretched French cologne.

Now I'm the kind of guy that usually drinks and drives American - I don't want to know about your foo-foo wines or Cognacs and I especially don't need to hear your problems all night when I have my own.

But he wasn't in his usual good mood the other night. It seems Andre's lil' cufflink - the exotic one he really didn't deserve - recently found itself in the French cuff of a better shirt. I told him he needed to get over it ASAP.

After hearing a thousand reasons why he needed her back, I bought him four shots of Jack, got him beyond sauced, and thoroughly enjoyed watching him puke in the parking lot from my bar stool.

Head hung low, his Tiffany chain smacked him in the eye. I smirked and scooped up the dough he left on the bar and jammed it into my back pocket.

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OUR KINDA PLACE...

I wanna get my hair cut here... Thanks to Barry Northern for the pic. Thanks for lookin' out...

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IN THE CIRCLE...

That ever-so-busy blogger Paul Brazill over at his popular blog got this lil' mini viral ball rolling when he was awarded this nifty Circle of Friends badge to five bloggin' buddies. Spreading like a wildfire in the Hollywood hills, it managed to make its way over to me. Thrice. I'm blushing...

I thank the always-talented Laurita Miller, Erin Cole and Barry Northern for thinking of Bukowski's Basement in their prolific circle of friends.

Now I'll pass it along to others (that I feel deserve the badge, without repeating recipients).

1. Musings Along Electric Avenue

2. Winedrunk Sidewalk

3. Thoughts from Tess

4. Daniel's in China

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AWESOME ALERT: BURGER KING TO SELL BEER

Burger King has unveiled plans to sell beer and burgers at a Whopper Bar — a new BK concept to compete with casual dining restaurants — in Miami Beach's tourist-heavy South Beach. The South Beach Whopper Bar is scheduled to open in mid-February.

Don't look for the hooch, though, at conventional Burger Kings. That's not in the plans. But more Whopper Bars — which offer an assortment of burgers, toppings and beer — could be on tap in tourist hot spots such as New York, Los Angeles and Las Vegas, says Chuck Fallon, president of Burger King North America.

A brewski at the new Whopper Bar — served in special aluminum bottles to keep them extra cold — fetches $4.25. Or, order beer as part of a Whopper combo and your bill will be $7.99 — roughly $2 more than the same combo meal with a fountain drink.

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SHAMELESS SELF PROMOTION: AT THE BIJOU

My noir piece, "An Unlikely Partner" is up and live in a Noir-arama Double-Double Feature of talented scribes on the tasty blog At the Bijou.

You will also find three delicious thrillers from the talented Kevin Michaels, the prolific Paul D. Brazill (who is everywhere online btw) and the super cool Bijou curator Absolutely*Kate, who's print project Harbinger*33 will showcase 33 super-talented scribes.

Please click play to enjoy an

audio reading of 'An Unlikley Partner'

Due to some minor technical 'movie theater' difficulties (damn those embed codes), I have an audio component to my noir that is not live on At the Bijou at the moment. So in the meantime (while the projectionist is working on the problem), I'd love for you to read along since it's my first full-length audio reading. Be warned, though, I'm no Barry Northern.

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'GONE 'TIL NOVEMBER' NOW OUT IN STORES

About a month or so back, I wrote about my former work colleague Wallace Stroby, who's third novel "Gone 'Til November" is out today in major bookstores. BTW, it's been getting some pretty damn good reviews.

He recently posted an enlightening blog post explaining why there was a five year-lag time between books. In fact, he had started writing a completely different novel altogether and pretty much hit the wall and scrapped it.

He says: The next morning when I woke up, I knew I'd decided to bag the novel, all 188 hard-fought pages of it. And when I came to that realization, I felt a tremendous sense of relief flooding through me. Not long after that, I started working on a short story about one of the characters who would eventually figure in GONE 'TIL NOVEMBER. And suddenly writing was fun again.

To read more check out the post at his blog HERE.

And please, if you're a fan of pulp, noir or gritty crime, give his work a look.

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SHE NEEDED A JOB (flash fiction)

Clark County was supposed to be her salvation. Instead it became her handicap.

When she got the call from her cousin that this town called Las Vegas was wide open with possibility, she hopped on the first bus clutching a suitcase and Harlequin.

Over the course of the four-day bus trip, she wondered what kind of job ol' cuz would land her. As a medium-shot for a gambling hall somewhere in the desert, maybe he'd get her something in the casino office, she thought. Even though her steno skills were just moderate, she did learn to type pretty well. At least that's what Mr. Bellog, her typing teacher, always said. But then again, he was sweet on her.

When she arrived at the dusty terminal, her cuz wasn't there. He was late. But he wasn't lying - he did have a job for her - as a counter girl in the casino's all-night coffee shop. She lasted just three days and when Gus the manager fired her, she knew what she needed to do.

She brought out only two dresses. Figuring the red one would entice the most, she headed into the lounge and straddled up to the first put-together gentleman she saw at the bar.

As she was escorted out by a patrolman, she realized she couldn't even do that right.

Sitting in the cell alone, all she kept thinking about was the money she wasn't making.

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THE WHISKEY CHEAT SHEET

OK, guys... We all know that whiskey is a broad term for describing different variations of the spirit. Several regions and countries that make whiskey have their own distilling rules and regulations for the hooch to be considered official.

In the simplest of terms, whiskey is comprised of water, a grain and yeast (if you add hops to those three, you get beer), and is aged in oak casks. The way you manipulate these ingredients accounts for all of the different varieties.



So instead of being like Mikey in "Swingers" (above) and snagging "Any Glen...", check out this nifty cheat sheet that describes the subtle differences between this glorious giggle water.

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