NEW FICTION: Bourbon & Blondes has arrived!

From the bus stations of Rt. 66 to the smoky, neon-tinged jazz dives of the big cities, these wanton tales of longing introduce us to vixens on the fringe and those shifty men that drove them there.

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Watch: The 'Bourbon & Blondes' Book Trailer

Get your shot glass ready because you're about to enter a retro world of showgirls, drifters, barmaids and thieves.

The eternal question for scribes?

In this new social media landscape, the question becomes: Is blogging dead? It just may be...

Watch: The 'Front Page Palooka' Book Trailer

Read the pulp novella that one reviewer called 'A potboiler in the style of old school writers like Mickey Spillane, Dashiell Hammett or Raymond Chandler...'

Sunday, June 28, 2009

YOU'LL BE MISSED



I sit here numb on a Friday night, late, staring at TV images of a legend gone forever. This generation's last mania-inducing legend.

Mad genius and oddball eccentric he was part Howard Hughes, part Elvis, part Mickey Mouse and that's what made him, him.

Scandals aside, my adolescence and to a large degree, even my early adulthood was consumed by his essence.

I wasn't alone. There wasn't a tucked away corner of the world where people didn't know him.

Need proof? He broke the internet when he died. Imagine that.

He's suddenly and unexpectedly gone now and I, like, the rest of the world will miss him dearly.



Saturday, June 13, 2009

LAYOVER IN AN AIRPORT LOUNGE (poem)



LAYOVER IN AN AIRPORT LOUNGE
I was at the airport recently
when I saddled up to a gentleman
in the lounge.
People were smoking.
She brought me my usual in this
most unusual of places.
At least for me.
It had been years since I was in
an airport lounge alone and I
couldn't help my body language from
advertising it.

My plane wasn't in for at
least an hour and I had
enough time to kill before
the pre-flight Valium, so
I glanced at the TV
and thanked the Lord
next week's impending
hurricane would be arriving
just about the time I'd be mowing
my lawn safely 1000 miles away.

As I stared at the local anchor
I admired her teeth and face.
They jived.

The guy two seats down must've
been on my wavelength because
he pointed at the screen and said
to me, "Now that's a doll..."
I nodded and tried to size the
guy up, two drinks in.

He was wearing a three piece suit
and I found that quite odd
since no one dresses for travel
anymore and furthermore, it was
a fucking three piece suit.
Who wears those? As I was inspecting
him for a pocket watch and monocle,
he asked me what my poison was.

Raising the glass, I answered
him and he raised his eyebrows
with approval.

His name was Rick or Rob or
something short and manly and
we chatted about our work.
I told him that I was asked to
speak at some conference I had
no business speaking at.
I told him I bluffed my way
through and they all bought it.

As he checked his watch, he seemed
to listen to a distant,
muffled voice through some
godforsaken airport speaker.

When I asked where he was off to,
he stopped and whispered in
my ear, "Like I'd tell you..."

Stupefied, I ordered my third drink.

Chomping on ice, I watched him
walk to his gate and wondered
how I could ruin that flight.
A second later I was looking
for a payphone.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

THE POWER OF A SINATRA ZIPPO (poem)



I remember my old Sinatra Zippo
that I picked it up on one of the Vegas
trips that seem now like a figmant.

For years to come, Frankie would
keep me company at the watering
holes and help me look cool
when one of the cupcakes needed a light.

He'd stare at me, smiling,
half-embarassed that I placed him
next to my sweaty Miller Light.
It beckoned me to order a Jack.
He was right. I did him the favor.

Through the years I've come to
understand that it takes a particular
kind of man to do certain things
like wear leather;
sip whiskey;
construct the perfect tie knot;
look without getting noticed;
and yes, work a Zippo.

One night after one too much
petrol, I left without Frank.
The next night I went back
but 'Ol Blue Eyes was gone.
I felt like one of the dames
he'd pat on rear after a day,
month or a year of hey-hey.

I managed to track down the
same Zippo online but it
just wasn't the same.
Frank was gone.
His work was over.
Someone else needed the cool.

I knew now how to sip whiskey.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

CAUGHT IN THE MIDDLE (flash fiction)



Sharon looked out the window hoping to see that godforsaken Trans Am, but all that drove by were the humdrum sedans usually reserved for rental fleets.

It was after 10 and Billy should've brought Garry back by now but her ex-husband had a history of tardiness, so this wasn't all that unusual.

When she was done with the dishes she heard the gravel in her driveway mushed by the growls of Billy's 455 engine, and it wasn't long before a little body popped out and ran into the house.

As the boy flicked the light on, Sharon was horrified by what she saw.

"What in Jesus happened to you?" she asked her son, hoping it was some sort of all-too-realistic prank he and his pop were playing.

"Dad did it. Ain't it rad?" he said looking into a mirror.

Outside, Billy lowered the Def Leppard and leaned on the Pontiac, waiting for the woman he thought at one time was the end-all and be-all of barmaids.

"What the fuck, Billy?" hands outstretched, was all she could muster.

He smiled. "I told you, the next time you hand him off to me in a prissy tie and creampuff shirt, I'd make a man outta him."

"That dumb mohawk makes him a man?" she screamed.

"It's a start," Billy answered, flicking his cigarette into a pile of half-melted snow. "We're buying a gun next week."

Friday, May 22, 2009

AND THEY WONDER WHY (poem)



I spent many a late night in diners and this is my ode to those great 24 hour joints where anyone can walk through the door...

Back when I was seeing the waitress,
I met a ghost at the diner counter.
I dunno, it was three a.m. or so
-- that nevertime where tired
cranky and mellow
become one weird sensation.
Anyway, as I jotted some
meaningless notes into a
notepad full of lost ideas, I felt a
presence next to me. He had the
entire counter to himself, but he
chose to plop himself on the
stool five inches away.
It seemed that he needed the
company, so I placed my pen on
the nearest napkin and said hello.

It looked as if he’d been crying and
his shirt was torn with a bloodstain
streaming from his nose to his mouth.
Scratches all over his face, he was
just a plain mess. I looked around to
see if anyone came in with him but
oddly, I was the only one in the joint.
In fact, the staff was nowhere,
must’ve been scattered in the kitchen.

We talked for about an hour, over coffee
and a half-pack of Winstons. He spoke
of his wife – both sad and angry - gesturing
their argument from earlier that evening.
Every now and again, he’d repeat, “They
wonder why we do the things we do.”
He said that men had it rougher than
we’re ever given credit for. Then he asked about
my own situation and I pointed to
the waitress in a shoulder-shrug sort of way.
He smiled, but quickly, again found his
rant, “We can’t cry or
fuss or carry on like them. We have
to listen to their bullshit complaints.”
I shrugged my shoulders as I looked
for my Zippo asking, “Whaddya gonna do?”

“Cheat,” he answered. It was a simple,
heartfelt answer that I found funny.
The two of us sat there enjoying its honesty.
I made sure the waitress wasn’t listening
or else I'd get holy Hell on the ride home.
But then my new friend got somber once again
and kept repeating “And they wonder why...”
I never saw him ever again.



Wednesday, May 13, 2009

THE LIZARD KING MEETS JACK (flash fiction)



This is a tale that coulda prolly happened. Somewhere in the late '60s, it's a tale where the beatnik met the hippie...

With his tight leather pants and a swagger to embarrass Mae West on a bad night, the Lizard King entered the Waldorf elevator and saw Jack, one of his literary idols.

"Hey man, you're Jack Kerouac..." the shaman-like guy asked, mellow and low.

Thift shop chic and effortlessly handsome, Jack was in the Big Apple to deliver his latest manuscript and answered,"That's my name..."

"I read everything you ever wrote -- the name is Jim," his fan said. "I'm in town with my band called The Doors."

As he watched the greasy hippie walk off to his room, Kerouac thought, "I work my whole fuckin' life, hitchhike across the country and they call this fucking guy a poet..."



STARING AT HER STARING AT HIM (flash fiction)



He went everyday to the museum to see those dark beaming eyes, that long lustrous hair and her half unsure smile.

On or off his meds, this manic routine had by now had become a fixture of his life.

Oh sure, there was always some artsy liberal couple on a first date talking about such nonsense as Warhol and color blocking to ruin his time with her.

But they were superficial.

Someday somehow he knew he'd meet his exotic beauty and take her here -- but not to utter Warhol.

Until then, though, he'd be content and diligent just staring at her staring at him.

Monday, May 4, 2009

JUST YOUR AVERAGE GUY AT A JERSEY DELI



I live deep within the heart of 'Soprano-Land' (the show was even shot on my block a few years back). In any case, being EYEtalian and all, I've never particulary gravitated towards the show beyond the casual level. I guess it's because I can't wear a suit without looking like I have lye and a shovel in my trunk. Don't get my wrong, I watched it, sure, but didn't really live and breathe it the way many fans have. I bring this up because today at the bakery, this is what I overheard and, to be honest, didn't think twice.

As I wait for my sandwiches, an unassuming (yet still very goombahed) voice behind me says on a cell, "Yeah, he made bail..."

Not even trying to be quiet he continued, "It was 250 -- two hundred and fifty thousand."

As I smirked in front, the convo got better when I heard him say, "No, no, no, he didn't get a racketeering charge, just the gambling."

After a pause he went on, "Well, our operation is in Costa Rica, his was is in the Dominican Republic so we're good."

"Yeah, I'm gonna be at the luncheonette in the morning so come on by and see me," he said, before clacking his cell shut.

After hearing these kinds of guys my whole life in places like this, the subtext of his last sentence didn't bother any of us on line since we were merely hearing just another Jersey guy at work.

Monday, April 20, 2009

THE FAN (flash fiction)



Don Drysdale walked into the dugout and smiled at Maury Wills and rookie Charlie Neal, before throwing his mitt on the bench and giving everyone that smug smile.

The night before, a bunch of fellas from the team were out sucking down bourbans at Toot’s Shor’s joint in Manhattan and made a little bet about that bouncy little fan with the cute overbite.

Drysdale pulled out a torn cocktail napkin from his satin jacket and bragged, “You all owe me a finske because she gave me her phone number.”

Wills snatched it away to inspect and said, “I’ll be a monkey’s uncle, I thought you owed me five bucks.”

Charlie Neal leaned over and piped in, dejected, “Whoa, whoa, whoa... she told me dark meat was her thing.”

After deciding which one would call her first, the boys from Ebbets Field looked at one another and decided where tonight's challenge would be.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

THE BEAST WITHIN (flash fiction)



He took their million dollar advance but now he owed them a book. Problem was that he was plum out of ideas and moreover, drier than August in Death Valley.

So out came the scotch - used to work in the past - but this time it only made him angry and suspicious. Even the clickity-clack of his vintage Underwood and dopey trip to the cabin where he wrote the first one didn't spark the juices.

When he saw his face on the cover of Entertainment Weekly, the mania grew worse and only after barricading for days in the back of a dark closet did the inspiration to type arrive:

"Despite writing well over 60 novels and countless short stories, Hank knew the beast he'd have to slay in his next adventure would be the one buried deep within the bowels of his demented soul."


This is the original challenge post

Monday, April 13, 2009

RECOGNITION (micro flash fiction)

18 words. That's all we had to use to create a story on the latest Six Sentences challenge. 3 words per sentences. Six Sentences. This is what popped out.



She didn't say.
I didn't ask
Didn't matter, though.
We both knew.
She loved him.
I didn't care.

FROZEN IN THE KINGDOM (flash fiction)

Recently at Six Sentences, there was a challenge posted that had entrants use the concept of cryogenics. This is what I came up with...



The Magic Kingdom was obviously filled way with too much sword and sorcery for Little Sally not to wander off at closing time.

Intuitive and knowing full well her parents would find her eventually, she took a quick left turn at Captain Jack Sparrow's wooden knife sculpture (a new logo for the "Pirates of the Caribbean" ride) which led to a secret winding cement path.

Yup, if only the 'Mouse House' geeks knew that finding the infamous Disney tunnels was that simple.

Funny enough, in the brightly-lit labyrinth of corridors, no one seemed to question the little girl with the Cinderella wand who seemed like just another prop after hours.


Six left turns led to a drippy stairwell where she found him behind a plexiglass enclosure -- frozen and blue -- surrounded by duplicated liquid nitrogen canisters and refrigerated at minus 180 degrees.


Just barely able to read and staring at his blank smile, she was able to muster out the four letters on the brass nameplate into one full-sounding word, "WWwwwalt..."


AUTHORS WHO CRAPPED OUT MASTERPIECES



Via Cracked.com: So what does it feel like to write something that will inspire audiences for generations? Apparently it feels like another day at the office, as it turns out some of the greatest works of all time weren't intended to be classics... and often were just dashed off for the hell of it.

To read the entire list, click HERE.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

WAITING FOR THEIR HUSBANDS (flash fiction)



My latest piece is once again inspired by the work of the great artist Edward Hopper is 1929's "Chop Suey."

Tuesday, Oct. 29, 1929

Agnes and Edna met at Chop Suey, the first upscale Asian eatery to open up shop in the greater Wall Street area, and chatted as if they they didn't have a care in the world - and they didn't.

Even though their financier husbands have been irritable of late, three Gin Rickeys were all it took to reaffirm their excitement for The Jazz Age.

Agnes went on and on about this new radio show called "Amos and Andy" and Edna just couldn't understand why that new comic strip - the one where the cockeyed sailor eats spinach - was so funny.

When Edna debated whether Henry Ford should've accepted Stalin's invitation to build an auto plant in Russia, Agnes changed the subject to riding the Grand Trunk Express through India.

As the first ruined tycoon hit the pavement, they both knew the Roaring Twenties were over and, amid chaos, quickly ran outside hoping their husbands wouldn't be late for dinner.

If you liked this, my other two Hopper Sixes can be found here and here.