POPEYE THE OCTAGENARIAN (flash fiction)

I found this amazing pic of my favorite cartoon character online by Rick Baker and just had to whip something up. Creepy...

In his younger days he was spry but now he's just impatient. At 94, he could still pack a punch, pulling triple duty mumbling to himself and sucking on a corncob pipe.

While his longshoreman days are long behind him, the love he holds for his dearly-departed 'goil' Olive remains as strong as the current he once sailed upon. As for his foundling, 'Swee' Pea, he's happily married and has a Swee' Pea of his own.

He doesn't do much these days but think about the old gang - that sweet moocher J. Wellington Wimpy, Sea Hag, Alice the Goon and even Bluto.

But then he he hears the latter's way too familiar voice call him a "one-eyed runt" and his can feel his still-muscular forearms start to tremble.

OH, CRAP! BEER PRICES ARE GOING UP

Found this bit of crappy news on CNN Money. It ain't good news. Beer drinkers beware: The cost of a cold one is going up. Brewers across the globe are hiking prices to compensate for lower sales volumes and higher commodity costs.

Anheuser-Busch InBev, the world's largest brewer and maker of Budweiser, announced plans to raise prices Tuesday. To read how much more getting looped is gonna cost us, click HERE.

LONGEST-SERVING BARKEEP CALLS IT QUITS

Angelo Cammarata has been serving up cocktails since Prohibition ended at midnight on April 7, 1933. (Well, there was the brief interlude in the 1940's when he served in World War II, but you'd be surprised what a good bartender can do with a canteen and a pack of Pall Malls.) In any case, after 77 years, he's calling it quits.

Read all about it HERE.

FIVE THINGS YOU DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT TEQUILA

I'll be honest, the only tequila I like has the name Tila in front of it. No, I'm not a tequila guy and I don't think Buk was either. Be that as it may, the spirit has a bad reputation -- perhaps because some of the boobs who imbibe are lured by its ritualistic methods of consumption and its promise to take them to a higher level of consciousness. In the end, though, they're usually left with a vague recollection of the prior night’s proceedings, wondering who’s in their bed beside them, cotton-mouthed and crusty-eyed.

So alas, 'The Basement' gives you "Five Things you Didn't Know About Tequila."

BUKOWSKI: A VETERINARIAN??

Check out this video that explores the notion of Bukowski in different professions. While the idea of the vid is pretty humorous, the guy playing Chuck Buk has to be the worst fucking Bukowski ever. I mean, did he even try???



Check out the REAL thing here:

MR. MANILA FOLDER (FLASH FICTION)

Like most ingenues, she thinks he's not that smart. And a bore to boot. She thinks he's just another manila folder (wait, or is that vanilla?) buried deep within a six drawer filing cabinet. Well, maybe that's so.

But he tells her to open his so-called humdrum file -- pretty thick with substance. But she wouldn't know it. He tries to tell her yet again that people will eventually discover and remember their folders and its contents.

"That sweetheart...," he stresses, "...is when you'll be judged."

Her eyes roll.

All he can think is, "Ah, the lost potential..."

WOULD YOU PAY $70 FOR A CAN 'O BEER?

It's in the Queen's cellar; and the maker says it has traces of vanilla and curry leaf with hints of honey and passionfruit. Sound like one of those pompous descriptions for a luxury wine? It's not - it's an Aussie beer. Fosters no less...

BOWLING FOR BREWSKIS (and BACON)

The Four B's ... Bukowski, bacon, beer and bourban, Man does this nugget ever have Bukowski's name written all over it. What happens when a bowling alley opens next to a brewery? While it may not be entirely clear, bacon is probably involved. Bourban, too. Lots of it. Read all about it.

THE MEN BEHIND YOUR FAVORITE BOOZE

This one is too good not to share. You know their names. You drink their hooch. The following men exploited society's desire for booze - thank God - and built empires from the vine and barrel. Check it out

POE MOVIE TO START FILMING: 'THE RAVEN'

This comes comes courtesy of Slashfilm. What’s next for "V for Vendetta" director James McTeigue is currently casting a period thriller titled "The Raven," a fictionalized account of the final five “mysterious” days of Edgar Allan Poe’s life. Apparently the famous writer joins the hunt for a serial killer whose murders are inspired by his stories.

Says the director: “It’s like the poem, 'The Raven,' itself, crossed with 'Se7en.' It should be pretty cool. The script is really good and everyone responds to it really well. I’m in the middle of casting.”

The screenplay is written by Hannah Shakespeare (who wrote the 2005 drama Loverboy, and was a story editor on Bionic Woman and Ghost Whisperer) and Ben Livingston. Machinist/Session 9 director Brad Anderson had been previously developing the project.


The real death of Poe was also mysterious. The writer was discovered on the streets of Baltimore in great distress and in need of “immediate assistance.” He was wearing someone else’s clothes and repeating the name “Reynolds”. He died shortly after in hospital, never able to explain what had happened.

Sounds creepy and chilling. We can't wait. Oh, and someone please for the love of God, snag Robert Downey, Jr. to play Poe.

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• Robert Downey Still Lobbying For Edgar Allan Poe (cinemablend.com)

THE PIPE DREAMERS (flash fiction)

He met her on the highway.

She was sitting Indian-style on the side of her beat-to-crap Pontiac Fiero wishing she could find the spare, wishing she had AAA and wishing that someone would just drive by.

He was on his way to Tinseltown to write for the pictures and she was going to Vegas to become a full time poker player. By the time he managed to actually find the spare (which was in the front of the car) she knew that he was an interesting one.

And sure, they had about 17 interesting months before they went through what couples normally go through.

As he slammed the door, he swore he'd never call her again but 98 miles out of Reno he dialed their number.

And so he met her on the highway - again. Under the same street lamp.